Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you inspire me to be a worse person
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
