dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
