Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
