dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
