i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
