i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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