please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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