About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
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I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
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What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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