Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
