just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
