It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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