Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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