I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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