I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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