What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
