I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just had sex on a roof
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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