I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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