now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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