Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
