Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
did you just send me my own nude
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
