I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize