look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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