We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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