awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
