Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
