your room smells of hookers.
And success
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
