Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I forgot how hot balto sounded
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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