Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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