Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
