Apparently you make a good broom.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
