did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
