i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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