mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
please come you make the beer taste better
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
