Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
