saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
