and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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