I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
