my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Actions speak louder than pants.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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