The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
