trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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