i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
