Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just want to make out with him forever
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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