My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
