that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
