i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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