Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
