Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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