hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
