curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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