Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
