I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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