the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
