i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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