everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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