I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
