I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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