he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
