i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
