Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
sex in a hospital.. check
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
