Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
