sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
