at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
