Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
