there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
