Yo dont text me then not text me
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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