I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Vodka?
Forever.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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