I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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