I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
