I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You had me at "let me see your balls"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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