it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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