He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
