So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
