Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
