Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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