My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
