and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I have feelings that need drinking.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
