Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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