I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
