3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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