My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
