In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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