You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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